compulsive behavior

With the two years of my use I had engaged UCSF to discuss my becoming a candidate for a kidney transplant for my mother. I was found to be compatible and instructed to go to treatment for at least 6 months. I initially resisted and after realizing that I simply could not get clean alone I contacted a local treatment center. After being in treatment for six months I left and shortly after leaving treatment I relapsed for several weeks. I informed my therapist who in turn contacted UCSF who immediately contacted me to let me know that as a result of my relapse I would be dropped from  being considered a potential donor for my mom. I could not not use-even for my mother-the woman who would do ANYTHING for me-I simply did not understand this.

incomprehensible demoralization

After not using drugs for six years I relapsed. At the age of 34 I cleaned my act up again. Shortly before my40 birthday my girlfriend had made a decision to leave me and my mother started peritoneal dialysis. Several weeks later at my girlfriends birthday party I took a drink. Shortly after that drink I got a DUI, lost my job,  and my housing, went to jail numerous times, (once for trying to rob an undercover cop), and fractured my foot severely in a drunken and drugged daze. For two years I swam in the incomprehensible demoralization and insanity of substance abuse.  By the age of 42 I had decided that I had had enough.

1947

My mother was born in Waco Texas and was raised  by my Granny, Jennie Mae Kirkpatrick. At the age of 20 she gave birth to me and three years later she gave birth to my sister. When I was ten my mother married my sisters dad. Shortly afterward the wedding we (three adults and two children) were on the road in my moms Monte Carlo; u-haul in tow on our way to Oakland California. Within a year my mother had left my step father. My Mother did an outstanding job raising me and my sister. My mother made sure that both my sister and I were very active in the church (Sunday school, vacation bible school, youth choir, youth usher board...). We were also very active in extracurricular activities. My sister was a cheerleader and I was a basketball player; and we both excelled scholastically in school. We were what folks called "good kids:. At the age of 18 I went to college and started to drink alcohol and smoke marijuana. Within two years I was smoking coke in Oakland viciously. Around this time my Mother was diagnosed with diabetes.My drug use broke my mothers heart. At the age of 24 I went to treatment in Berkeley and cleaned up my act. Once again my life was back on track.

Ecclesiastes 3

Ecclesiastes 3: A Time for Everything
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

Read more: http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/2009/07/9-scripture-verses.html#ixzz1n5I8BMvL